February 24, 2011
-
It's Reading Week and I am at home and neglecting all my reading, which is a combination of last-semester-itis and the fact that I am exhausted. In the mornings I drink coffee and fill the pages of my journal, and in the evenings I curl around my mom on the couch like a kitten and try my best to keep up with my parents' intricately planned t.v. schedule. There are moments where I care about the fact that I am leaving things undone, but they're few.
On Sunday my whole extended family had dinner at my grandma's house. My aunts crowded around my face because I guess my glasses look just like the pair my great-grandmother used to wear, which makes me love them even more than I do already. From what I've heard of my great-grandmother, she was a terrifying woman, for reasons both related and unrelated to the fact that she immigrated to Canada from Ukraine completely on her own. Which is unheard of.
I wonder if that kind of shocking independence is something that's inherited and if there's some of that bravery in me somewhere, too--and I hope so. I'm soft, I know--I cry and I'm scared and I think about everything twice (at least). But I also give my whole heart to everything, always, and regardless of the consequences I don't ever want to stop.
And that counts for something, I think.
h.
Comments (1)
"There are moments where I care about the fact that I am leaving things undone, but they're few." What a nice feeling.
There was a quote on tumblr just yesterday -
“All women have a built-in grain of indestructibility. And men’s task has always been to make them realize it as late as possible.” (It's attributed to Chris Marker.)
I'm not so sure about men being out to sabotage us (although I'd say a few of them certainly are) but I think it's true that we tend to be unsure of our own strength until - often - fairly late in life. Sometimes I think women are just far too practical. We need a LOT of proof of our indestructibility and it's not until we can look back over years and stack up the evidence that we're satisfied we're not going to crumble at any moment!x.g.
Comments are closed.